The Chicken, Egg and the Rooster

I will admit I'm not the brightest of the bunch at times and have been known to ask some pretty simple questions to which are both shocking and funny at the same time. If only I could have had an instant printout of what my partner was thinking at the time, although I can imagine. In these situations it is fine that he laughs at me, because after telling me the answers I often realize just how dumb the question was and laugh to.

 

I pretty much put it down to this; if I don't have any interest in something then I won't pay any attention to it let alone learn about it. I usually figure things out in the long run, even if it be through laughable situations. As they say; it's better late than never.

The Chicken, Egg….. And The Rooster  

The birds and the bees, funky business, whatever you want to call it, Male plus a Female equals a baby, in simple terms. Or so that's what I thought until last year at the ripe old age of 28.

I was at a friend’s house letting our children have a play date when my kids noticed she had a chicken coop and asked to collect the eggs for her. I've never lived on a farm or even close to one, so I’ve never really thought much into how things go. As my kids ran up and went inside the coop, it occurred to me there could be a rooster in there. I have no idea whether roosters get aggressive, but they don’t look very nice, wake everyone up at crazy hours and I wouldn’t be keen on jumping in the coop with one. For some reason, I always picture Roosters and Turkeys as pretty much the same thing, despite knowing otherwise. So I was also thinking “Gobble Gobble could be in there!” So I figured I had best ask.  

"Where's the rooster, is it inside the coop?” She said "We don't have one", which left me completely confused and obviously my “umm what face” made an appearance, as I began to ask more questions, because she started explaining things really slowly.

Me:  "Well where do you get your eggs from then?”

 

Friend:  "The Chickens… You don't need a rooster to get an egg, only to have a baby chicken”

 

Me:   “Yes, but eggs are baby chickens just not grown or hatched…aren’t they?”

 

By this point, I am beyond confused and full of questions, like a child would be on their first mortifying Birds and the Bees chat with their parents. Luckily my friend has a good sense of humour.

Friend: “Chickens lay eggs on their own without a rooster, it is just an egg. When you have a rooster it fertilizes the egg, making the baby chicken. We don’t want baby chickens, just eggs so we don’t have a rooster.”

 

 So there it was! At age 28 completely dumb founded finally having find out you don't need a rooster to get an egg. I always put it down to "A Mum and Dad equal a baby... Porky Porky". Simple. 

After our play date had finished I went home to tell my partner. Honestly shocked, I felt this was big news! I even continued to ask my friends and family for a while after just to see how many people actually this, rather than put it down to ‘getting funky’ like I did.

 

Arriving home I went inside and asked him. “Did you know you don’t need a rooster to get an egg?”…Boy did he laugh. When your partner calls you cute after asking a dumb question, you know he’s laughing at you. Of course I tried to defend myself comments about not ever living on a farm and such but they didn’t seem to help my argument.

 

The next night one of his mates came round and my chicken conversation came up. Telling the story, giggling away and then bam…The response wasn’t what he was expecting…

"You don't need the rooster?”

This time it was me laughing especially when his mate said "Well I never grew up on a farm". My partner of course was shocked and we all had a good laugh about it but at least I know now, better late than never. 

 

So my next question “What really came first? The Chicken or the Egg?”

 

 

Why I Think God Would Be A Man

I personally am not a believer in God, Jesus or anything religious. No offence to anyone that is, but I simply don’t believe in what I cannot see. I’m not even sure if I believe in Dinosaurs as I haven’t seen one in real life. Yes there are bones, yes there are things on Television, but who believes half the stuff that is shown on TV nowadays? But I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whatever helps them have the strength to get through life’s rollercoaster ride. Each to their own choices.

If I was to be inclined to believe in God, this is why I believe he would definitely be a man!

Women are the ones who have babies. Yes this is a life changing experience, something you cannot imagine unless you have been through it. Something that unfortunately a lot of families don’t get to go through due to difficulties. But… Why are we the ones who have to have babies? Couldn’t we have shared this duty? Take turns or something? We go through 40 weeks of uncomfortable transformation, and then we have to push this baby out or have it cut out. Yes we get a beautiful baby at the end, but so does he with only a touch of the effort. Then there is the after baby recovery. The walking around like we have sticks up our bums, not being able to sit down properly, the sore boobs, and don’t forget the funky lady days that have been waiting for you for the past 40 weeks!

The peeing issue. Why is it, men are fitted with ‘body parts’ for easy peeing? When out in public men would pee anywhere regardless of what they were equipped with, so why not give it to the lady so we can pee in the bushes easy to. Oh no, give us something that we have to drop our knickers, hoist our skirts up, and get grass tickling our bums. But I mean, oh ladies don’t do that anyways.

 

Lady Days. Every month are you for real? He couldn’t have designed it any better than this? It’s not only that we are out of commission but the pain! Some women have major nasty pains each time of the month. Couldn’t he have made a deal. We have the babies, men have the Lady Days? I mean it is “God” we are talking about; if he is real then surely he could have sorted something a little more even out.

Men and Women are complete opposites. If God was a woman, men would be more inclined to leave the toilet seat down, like to go shopping, help with the washing, sewing, cooking and ironing, would be able to multi-task, wouldn’t fart in public, there wouldn’t be as many gross bugs around, and everything would be completely different. Of course there are some men that are already like the above, but I’m talking about if God was a woman, then 99% of men would be like this.

If God was a woman, then Men would be telepathic. All those little hints or should I say repeated hints, wouldn’t be necessary. He would know we want flowers next Tuesday for our anniversary, and that he needs to get in and fix that fence. He would know that she has had enough for one day and its best he steers clear, or that she really would love company and now’s the time to make his move. There would be no communication problems, none of this “Men are from Mars and Women from Venus”; we would all be from Vemars.

And Last but not least, I think if God was a woman, then all food would be healthy. Women have such crazy body issues; I can’t imagine a female God creating any foods that would make them fat. I know it’s not technically God that makes for example MacDonald’s, but somewhere along the times, that person was given the knowledge to invent that. A woman God would have invented everything that is made to be fat free and healthy but tasting like normal MacDonald’s. There are health conscience men of course, but men don’t seem to have the body issues that women do.

 

Thoughts?

 

5 Signs these kids are mine!

Anyone out there with children will completely understand where I am coming from. I love, adore and cherish my children. They are who make me who I am. They find a way to amaze me every single day, and I love watching them grow up and more into their own personalities. But, and yes there is a but...sometimes they do things that make you wonder “Where did that kid come from?” or more so “I couldn’t deny that child is mine even if I wanted to”. Sometimes things are right under our noses but we don’t realise at first, then bam! All of a sudden we see, see what’s happening around us, see how much our children have changed, or see how much they are exactly like us!

1.       I’m having an argument with my daughter and she starts doing the Jerry Spring headshake to which everyone tells you that is your signature move. You realise your staring in the mirror. “Oh no you didn’t girlfriend”

2.       I’m at a child’s birthday party; kids are running around like crazy people having a blast. The mum’s are all grouped up in their playground cliques so you sit at a different table as it’s not really my scene, I’d rather get in and run riot with the children than hang out in a ‘mum’s and bub’s group’ and talk about “oh my baby did this, and my hubby did that.” I notice my daughter is sitting beside me rather than running riot with the kids so I ask her why she’s not playing. “It’s not my thing, I’d rather sit here.” So apparently it’s not her scene either.

3.       My son has mastered acting like a monkey, sounds, screams, movements and he’s pretty good at it to I might add, especially with the encouragement of his father who also does an excellent monkey scream imitation and his father’s mate who does a great imitation of a veloce raptor. So yes, the child has some encouragement here. Fine, all good, let them have their fun but it’s the awkward moment they do it in public. It’s loud and people not only look, but give you that expression as though “Glad that’s not my kid” so you just keep walking and secretly hope no one is calling the zoo.

 

4.       At home our kids run from the bathroom to the bedroom naked no worries, go to the beach swim in boardies no worries, but then head into a surf shop after the beach, no shoes still in boardies and a town then all of a sudden there’s a nudity issue. He’s not wearing a shirt; the shop keeper can see his boobies! I must admit this was quite funny and cute at the same time. My son (who is 7) has never had an issue with this before but when we walked up to the surf shop from the beach all of a sudden he started peeling out and covering his boobs. The shop keeper said hello and he just looked at her shyly. He continued to walk through the store this like with my partner and me covering his boobs the entire time we were there. Got back in the car and he was fine. Was weird but funny, a perfect sign that kid is mine. 

 

5.       My daughter is a school freak, which is good and bad at the same time. I want her to learn and be all she can be, I want her to do really well at school which she always does and hopefully will continue to do. But! She goes to school 5 days a week, spends the weekends playing schools, doing extra assignments, writing, doing sums, projects, practicing spelling anything that they do in school. Currently she is sitting at the table writing her own “10 reasons why I hate brothers” article because she watches me write my articles. I was the same at school, and here I am still writing but I have done my 12 years of school and now feel like I am doing it again. Listening to the stories, helping with the homework, projects and then the extras on the weekends that I later find out I’ve been tricked and aren’t school projects but her projects. I caught her giving her brothers their homework answers and doing their school projects for them, while they were happy slackers, they won’t learn this way. I eventually had to tell her I would ground her from doing homework for a week if she didn’t stop telling them. While to any other child this would have been the best thing a mother could have said, not her who was instantly jaw dropped and couldn’t believe I would do such a horrible thing. It did work though and the boys went back to doing their own homework.  It’s like I’m watching myself 20 years ago, there’s definitely no denying this one.

Each day brings something new, something that makes me laugh or shocks me. It truly does wow me, to watch my children grow up each day and become more and more the people they are growing up to be.