#404 Eminem Live and I Still Feel Uneasy?

This is a continuation of my posts in the 642 Topics Challenge originally started by Kristen from When in Doubt Keep Swimming. If you would like to be apart of this challenge click here! If you would like to see more of my posts from this challenge click here!

 

#404 Put yourself in a place where you feel vulnerable and uneasy

I think I might have a split personality, half of me enjoys people's company and the other hates it, both these depending on who, what, where, etc. of course. Although in general it doesn’t take much for me to feel uneasy.

Back in 2012 my partner and I went and seen Eminem live in concert in Sydney. While the thought of seeing Eminem live was exciting I was so freakin nervous!

For starters I had never been to Sydney, let alone such a large concert so I was imagining the worst case scenario of thousands and thousands of people. Which I suppose there was. Even just being in the cab on the way to our motel had me thinking things like “Oh crap I don’t have a will yet!”… Sydney is so hectic, people pushing in here, ducking in there… not what I am used to at all.

Image Credit: AceShowBiz

We arrived at our motel, and were staying in the pent house. Dressed ready and having a couple of drinks to help get us in the party mood and all I could do was panic about what was to come. I was stressing that hard I was dry reaching and my hands were shaking. Yet I wanted to go and was looking forward to it. How do you figure that? Yes, oh did I forget to mention I have a mild case of anxiety? Throw that, a new situation, a crowd or something I don't know in together and I have a recipe for panic. My partner as always tried calming me and we left for the stadium. People everywhere! All I could think was "omg I'm going to get lost, left behind and gimped!”

We had front row tickets and once the concert started me being a short ass couldn't see. I figured I needed to pretty much man up and find a spot or spend the next couple of hours listening to the random back of someone’s head sing me Eminem songs.

So I left my partner making my way to the front fence where I had a perfect and very close view. Eminem live! Woop! Once I had settled into my spot and told myself I don’t know any of these people, I was fine. Singing, dancing and having a good time, and as always thought to myself "why did you stress out?” I was so close it wasn't funny, standing next to the front gate where they take all the people and especially young girls out of the mosh pit, because it's to much for them. The view... well he spoke for himself, well should I say sung for himself.

It's just a part of me I guess, I stress over a lot of things that I shouldn’t. Taking on to many of my friend’s problems as my own, worrying about the worst before it happens, there being to many people or things going on in one place and all despite knowing better. I guess somehow it makes me feel slightly prepared. Nothing can happen that I haven't already thought about, but nothing I ever think about ever happens.

So as per usual, I stressed about nothing. The Eminem concert was great, we had a fantastic time, and I got home safe and sound. Would definitely do it again, but this time spend a little more time in the crazy hectic shopping malls of Sydney and go shopping! Of course I would still feel uneasy, but that's just me.

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# 77 Screw You

Today while scouting through my Facebook newsfeed I ran into a post linked by Kristen Called “642 Things To Write About”. She has decided to make it more so a fun challenge with those who want to participate. I thought this sounded interesting and put my hand up. Not only does it give you random topics you have to write about but you also meet other bloggers along the way. So here's cheers to my first of many posts in the 642 topic challenge.

                                                       #77 "Screw You"

I must admit this topic caught my eye and may have helped convince me to play along with the challenge and I could describe at least one or two things out of each day that I would class as screw you moments. For example, the cars that won't wait 2 seconds to let you out, the bills that all come at once when you've already paid a pile or even standard housework.

So today’s screw you moment is brought to you by housework.

 

 

Why am I the only one who can change a toilet roll? Why am I the only one who can hang their towel up instead of just dumping it on the ground somewhere? Why am I the only one who will pick something up as I walk past it knowing it doesn't belong there? Do I notice things need to be done more than others because I know it’s me who will have to do it anyway?

The answer is "because I'm mum".  "Mum will do this, I'll leave it to her or she'll do it when she comes back, she always does". Don't get me wrong, I love my family but these are screw you moments! A big kick in my face so to speak especially if I have already done it and now have to do it all again.

Speaking about being kicked, I finally got myself into gear and joined a boot camp, starting this Monday. Although I know I need it and there will be pain, I can't help but think out of an hour boot camp ill secretly be thinking screw you to the trainer for a good 52 minutes or so.

Running up and down stairs, yes screw you. Sit-ups and push-ups yep screw you again. Then when I'm dying and can't move anymore she'll spring the horrid squats on me, definitely screw you!

Just thinking about it is making me sore already!

 

Feel Free to leave a comment with your screw you moments or join the challenge!

Dear My Future Self

I read somewhere there can be a lot of benefits in writing to your future self, especially if you write it as in how you currently are, how you feel, what you want to achieve in the near future and then hide it away re reading it at some point down the track. It is supposed to help you realize where you need to improve yourself and life but not having completed the things you write down or by feeling the same way instead of resolving things. It would depend on what sort of things you wrote down, and what they meant to you.  I think it could be interesting to try and leave the letter aside for a couple of years to see what has changed, but I guess if I could write to my future self it would be to get answers.

Answers that I would hope might give me peace of mind that I'm doing something right and on the right path to what I want in life. Not all answers would be what I want to hear I suppose but the benefit of knowing would be being able to try and better the outcome. Although I do believe in the butterfly effect, if I could get answers I most likely still would. Either way, I will be able to read this later on down the track.

Dear my future self,

I hope that you are well and I didn't mistreat our body too badly or do anything silly. I hope that eventually I got myself motivated and worked on the things I need to. I hope a lot of things really but I guess my questions are these.

Am I healthy and if not is it something I could have avoided?

Did all the years of drinking and smoking finally catch up to me?
Is my family ok and doing well?
Do my children grow up safely and are happy?
Am I happy?
I hope that I have found that me thing which gives me peace and a sense of fulfilment. Finally letting go and walking forward instead of not forgiving.
Am I working? At this age I look forward to getting back into the work force once the children are old enough, have I achieved this? If so where?
How do you see me now, remembering back?
Are you full of regret?
Are there things I regret later in life and if so are they forgivable? Especially by myself?
Am I alone, with the person who completes me, or stuck out of habit and comfort?
How many children do I have? Did I go the extra mile?
Did I get around to traveling somewhere overseas?
Do my children still love me?
Is all the writing despite it being for fun, all for nothing?
Are there more positives than negatives in my life?
Do my friends take me as I am, are loyal, and trustworthy?
Did I find the answers I was looking for in life?
Is it all worth it in the end?

Hopefully over time as I get older I will be able to answer some of my questions and finally have the answers I seek.

From my current and always curious self,