Dear Mr Post Man

Dear Mr Postman,
This love hate relationship we have, just isn't right. You make me super happy one minute then sad the next. After putting much thought into this, I feel we need to come to some soft of arrangement. Does only seem fair since I pay for the deliveries and you deliver them, that we should split it down the middle. So in aid of keeping my end of the bargain, I've decided you can keep the free stuff. I’ll keep the parcels I have previously paid for and you can keep anything else. I've never really liked the name bill and it’s definitely more a man’s type of name so figured you'd be happy. I mean you wouldn't be very happy with pink brushes and children's alphabet books, but at least you will have bill.
I'm glad we finally sorted this out, but before I go I have one more question. Where does all the mail go that doesn't get delivered? I've heard it goes to a lost and found room but that would have been beyond full years ago. Are you secretly keeping the stash?