Dear Santa,

Santa, we need to have words...

Over the years I have aided my children write you letters, email you, organized email addresses, sent you photos and bought the kids presents on your behalf because you forgot. I have never asked for anything for myself, always made sure I sent off each and every letter and email, made sure the kids answered the phone when you called n yet still nothing!

I know your pretty old, said to be around since 1881, but with all the traveling you do, you'd think you could have at least written me a letter or sent me a postcard of your journeys. Sometimes I am tempted just to stick a letter in the mailbox addressed to Santa with my return address and see what happens.

Not only at Christmas am I swarmed with questions asking all about you, but also throughout the year. I have assured the children that you will find them on Christmas Eve while they are visiting family, I have stood on unbiased ground when it was suggested your relationship with Mrs Claus was a fake and that is why you have no children. I have defended you when my 8 year old son said you smell like dog poo because you wear the same clothes every single day and I have kept your Christmas Spirit alive when the kids have come home from school and an older kid is being a shit and trying to tell them lies.

Don't worry you are not alone, the Tooth Fairy hasn't been pulling her weight either and forgot to come the other night. We put it down to she was to short and must not have been able to reach the cup. Either that or maybe you have all gone on strike together.

So my question Santa, I think is fair and just, that I have earned it. My question is not how you get into houses with no chimney, it's not how your reindeers fly and survive the heat, it's not how do you have time to visit every boy and girl on Christmas Eve, or why you always leave such a mess with the cookies and milk. My question to you Santa, is where is my dam letter?